O what a mess we can create when we simply expect things ... .
Expectations are anticipations of some probable occurrence or appearance to which you look forward. In other words, when you expect something, you are making a mental wager with yourself about the outcome of some future event.
This event can be any thing, however, it is frequently your own behavior or that of someone else. How you bet on this event often reflects your beliefs, attitudes, standards, and goals.
As a confident self-promoter, you need to know that your expectations, as well as those of your prospects and clients, can result in self-fulfilling prophecies. Specifically, when you believe something very strongly and have high expectations that it will happen, you will tend to make it happen. That is, you will act, consciously or unconsciously, in accordance with that expectation.
This can be positive for you when your expectations are high and realistic. They can propel you to overcome obstacles in order to accomplish your goals. For example, you have surveyed your target audience to determine what their burning issues are in selling real estate and are sure you can provide an appropriate set of solution tips to their problem.
But it also can be negative for you when your expectations are high and unrealistic. They can put insurmountable obstacles in your path. For example, you have surveyed keyword searches in real estate and assume your target audience will be interested in refinancing their homes, when they really want to know how to negotiate the best deal in a slow market.
How can you tell the difference between “high realistic” and “high unrealistic” expectations?
High unrealistic expectations have that chiseled-in-granite quality to them. That is, if it’s a “probable” occurrence, it “should” happen. “Clients should know that I value them as individuals” or “I shouldn’t have to keep reminding prospects of the benefits I provide; they should just remember them.”
When these anticipations don’t pan out, you tend to feel a sense of deep-seated anger. You will tend to see others as disappointing you ‑ that they aren’t doing what you want. You may also rage against yourself for not perfectly matching your expectations for yourself … and, perhaps, for being a failure as a result.
As a confident, effective, and professional self-promoter, you have to
*Determine how realistic any expectation is. Ask yourself how likely it is the event will happen as you want. Use your past experiences as your database for comparing and assessing the validity of your expectations.
*Ask others what they think. Being honest with yourself is not always easy, especially if you’re invested in the idea. Share your expectations with others to get feedback on whether you’re in the right ballpark, out in left field, or need more data.
*Assign a percentage to the expected outcome. How truly likely is it that things will turn out as you expect? Quantifying it helps move you from wishful thinking to probabilities. Keep re-assessing this percentage as things move along in the process. This will make your expectations more elastic and situation-specific. Static, carved-in-stone expectations tend to be doomed to not being met.
*Let people (colleagues, subordinates, prospects, and clients) know what you expect of them. If you want them to act in a particular way, you have to clearly communicate what you want them to do, why they should do it (what’s in it for them), lead them to act, then show them how.
Expectations can make all the difference between your successes and failures. Make them work for you, not against you!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Why You Have to Fight the Zeigarnik Effect
Ever notice how easy it is to remember the negative? I don’t mean only disaster-in-the-making negative events, but also the everyday I-can’t-find-any-stamps-with-flags negative events.
At the same time, positive events of the day tend to float by, somewhere below your level of recognition unless they are momentous, such as surviving a serious illness, getting a new project or promotion, or seeing your child’s first steps.
This is because your mind drives your memory toward the negative. The result of this action is the Zeigarnik Effect.
In 1927 Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik discovered that our minds are constructed in such as way that we tend to remember uncompleted, rather than completed, tasks. As you have no doubt experienced, uncompleted tasks create a tension which is unpleasant. We expect to complete tasks and experience the satisfaction of doing so. Consequently, when you don’t, the negativity associated with incompletion sticks in your memory.
Similarly, in general you expect that what you do as a normal part of your everyday behavior routine will go smoothly – from getting up to going to bed. As a result, you will tend to take each step of that positive expectation situation for granted and focus on other, unexpected, situations.
Think of it like walking along a path and suddenly you get a pebble in your shoe. Until the stone created unpleasantness for you, you were not particularly focused on your feet as part of your walking experience.
Think of it as doing various marketing tasks to promote yourself. When things go along as you expect, you tend not to be specifically aware of them. But let there be a minor e-mail glitch when you’re about to launch a product or service then you’re lasering in on the negative situation.
It has been hypothesized that your specific attention to the negative is evolutionary – that it helped people respond immediately to fear and pain in order to survive. However, today the tendency to attend to negative events is creating problems.
In studies on Positive Psychology in organizations Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has found that negative thoughts and expressions tend to minimize satisfaction and maximize anxiety and depression. This has a negative effect on attitude, expectation, productivity, and whether an organization flourishes or fails. Thus, this tendency toward the negative can significantly interfere with your successfully promoting yourself.
The Good News is that you can consciously counter this drive toward negative memory by getting in touch with positive memories and the positive thoughts and feelings they represent.
You can do this by noticing and analyzing what went well today in your self-promotion efforts and then expressing gratitude for those positive events and how you contributed to them.
For example, you had a press release to send out and you did it on schedule. You wrote and submitted a useful blog entry. You reached the person who will interview you for a teleseminar and confirmed the date and time. You signed a contract for a speaking engagement.
As you review in detail what went well, you need to tell yourself (1) why it went well, (2) how you feel about it, and (3) why specifically you feel good.
For example, you sent out the press release on schedule: (1) It went well because you tend to procrastinate and then have to rush to get information out. (2) You feel good personally and from a business stand point about it. (3) You feel good because procrastination has been interfering with your doing things in a timely manner and this is your first step toward alleviating that problem.
Doing this every night before going to sleep can help you focus on and magnify what you’re doing right, celebrate the good events each day, and acknowledge their positive, necessary baby-step contributions to your acceptance that you can do it (and do it right) and your achieving your self-promotion goals.
At the same time, positive events of the day tend to float by, somewhere below your level of recognition unless they are momentous, such as surviving a serious illness, getting a new project or promotion, or seeing your child’s first steps.
This is because your mind drives your memory toward the negative. The result of this action is the Zeigarnik Effect.
In 1927 Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik discovered that our minds are constructed in such as way that we tend to remember uncompleted, rather than completed, tasks. As you have no doubt experienced, uncompleted tasks create a tension which is unpleasant. We expect to complete tasks and experience the satisfaction of doing so. Consequently, when you don’t, the negativity associated with incompletion sticks in your memory.
Similarly, in general you expect that what you do as a normal part of your everyday behavior routine will go smoothly – from getting up to going to bed. As a result, you will tend to take each step of that positive expectation situation for granted and focus on other, unexpected, situations.
Think of it like walking along a path and suddenly you get a pebble in your shoe. Until the stone created unpleasantness for you, you were not particularly focused on your feet as part of your walking experience.
Think of it as doing various marketing tasks to promote yourself. When things go along as you expect, you tend not to be specifically aware of them. But let there be a minor e-mail glitch when you’re about to launch a product or service then you’re lasering in on the negative situation.
It has been hypothesized that your specific attention to the negative is evolutionary – that it helped people respond immediately to fear and pain in order to survive. However, today the tendency to attend to negative events is creating problems.
In studies on Positive Psychology in organizations Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has found that negative thoughts and expressions tend to minimize satisfaction and maximize anxiety and depression. This has a negative effect on attitude, expectation, productivity, and whether an organization flourishes or fails. Thus, this tendency toward the negative can significantly interfere with your successfully promoting yourself.
The Good News is that you can consciously counter this drive toward negative memory by getting in touch with positive memories and the positive thoughts and feelings they represent.
You can do this by noticing and analyzing what went well today in your self-promotion efforts and then expressing gratitude for those positive events and how you contributed to them.
For example, you had a press release to send out and you did it on schedule. You wrote and submitted a useful blog entry. You reached the person who will interview you for a teleseminar and confirmed the date and time. You signed a contract for a speaking engagement.
As you review in detail what went well, you need to tell yourself (1) why it went well, (2) how you feel about it, and (3) why specifically you feel good.
For example, you sent out the press release on schedule: (1) It went well because you tend to procrastinate and then have to rush to get information out. (2) You feel good personally and from a business stand point about it. (3) You feel good because procrastination has been interfering with your doing things in a timely manner and this is your first step toward alleviating that problem.
Doing this every night before going to sleep can help you focus on and magnify what you’re doing right, celebrate the good events each day, and acknowledge their positive, necessary baby-step contributions to your acceptance that you can do it (and do it right) and your achieving your self-promotion goals.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Are the Difficulties You Encounter a Closed Door or an Open Door?
As hard as it may be to believe, every difficulty presents you with an opportunity. I grant you that they’re not always easy to spot and it takes practice to learn how to spot them.
But when you do spot them, what do you notice first? Do you see a door closing and what you can’t do in these situations? Or do you see a door opening and what you can do in these situations?
If all you can see is what is wrong in a situation, you’re a pessimist. You are more likely to fall into a depression, think that things like that always happen to you, and it will never change for the better.
If you can rise above what is wrong to see what positive possibilities exist in a situation, you’re an optimist. You are more likely to look at what went wrong and see what you can learn from it. You will tend to gather up the pieces, decide what else you can do with them, and go on.
While you will tend toward one mind-set and approach, you are likely to be a little of both. Being a little of both is advantageous. It means you are likely to be situationally flexible. This is very important in all areas of your life but particularly important in your self-promotion.
Your pessimistic inclination helps you be analytical and realistic. You can see what factors need to be considered and addressed. You can see where the boundaries are. Pessimism is grounded in the present which helps with objective assessment. But it also tends to dampen creativity.
Optimism, on the other hand, helps you consider all the factors in a more positive way. This means you are more likely to see what opportunities may lurk as well as temper pessimistic negativity that may interfere. Optimism is grounded in the future and tends to heighten creativity and forward thinking. But it also tends not to give full weight to all the possible implications of each option.
To be a confident and effective self-promoter, you need to act analytically AND in a forward-thinking manner. So the next time you meet a situation, you don’t want to negatively discard it out of hand or jump on it positively without assessing it.
For example, the “Bridging Heart and Marketing Conference” February 22-24. A pessimist might say, “I don’t want to spend money on a conference, hotel, and flight.” An optimist might say, “I’ll learn so much and meet important people.” But a more balanced approach would be, “This info is on the cutting edge being given by savvy people. I don’t want to miss it or the networking. Becoming an affiliate and taking off-hour flights could significantly reduce my costs.”
Consequently, being both pessimistic and optimistic – present-oriented and future-oriented ‑ enhances your finding the best, most opportunity-filled solutions to achieve your marketing and life goals.
But when you do spot them, what do you notice first? Do you see a door closing and what you can’t do in these situations? Or do you see a door opening and what you can do in these situations?
If all you can see is what is wrong in a situation, you’re a pessimist. You are more likely to fall into a depression, think that things like that always happen to you, and it will never change for the better.
If you can rise above what is wrong to see what positive possibilities exist in a situation, you’re an optimist. You are more likely to look at what went wrong and see what you can learn from it. You will tend to gather up the pieces, decide what else you can do with them, and go on.
While you will tend toward one mind-set and approach, you are likely to be a little of both. Being a little of both is advantageous. It means you are likely to be situationally flexible. This is very important in all areas of your life but particularly important in your self-promotion.
Your pessimistic inclination helps you be analytical and realistic. You can see what factors need to be considered and addressed. You can see where the boundaries are. Pessimism is grounded in the present which helps with objective assessment. But it also tends to dampen creativity.
Optimism, on the other hand, helps you consider all the factors in a more positive way. This means you are more likely to see what opportunities may lurk as well as temper pessimistic negativity that may interfere. Optimism is grounded in the future and tends to heighten creativity and forward thinking. But it also tends not to give full weight to all the possible implications of each option.
To be a confident and effective self-promoter, you need to act analytically AND in a forward-thinking manner. So the next time you meet a situation, you don’t want to negatively discard it out of hand or jump on it positively without assessing it.
For example, the “Bridging Heart and Marketing Conference” February 22-24. A pessimist might say, “I don’t want to spend money on a conference, hotel, and flight.” An optimist might say, “I’ll learn so much and meet important people.” But a more balanced approach would be, “This info is on the cutting edge being given by savvy people. I don’t want to miss it or the networking. Becoming an affiliate and taking off-hour flights could significantly reduce my costs.”
Consequently, being both pessimistic and optimistic – present-oriented and future-oriented ‑ enhances your finding the best, most opportunity-filled solutions to achieve your marketing and life goals.
Friday, January 18, 2008
How To Handle Those #%$! Putdowns
Red-faced and still fuming, Louise returned from her business lead exchange luncheon ready to blast anyone who crossed her path. It had been a good meeting, wherein the ten members exchanged referrals, leads, and tips, until Louise had misunderstood something another member had said. It was twenty-something Tony, who had the unfortunate habit of directing his comments to males only who were seated at the other end of the table.
Louise had asked him politely to repeat his information. Grinning as if about to reveal a truth no one else would dare utter, Tony responded with a chuckle, “Sure, Louise. I know it can be really tough to follow business when a woman gets to be your age.” He hunkered over to make the point.
His comment hung in the air like a grease-soaked chicken dumpling. No one laughed. Most buried their heads in their notes in front of them – even his male cohorts at the end of the table looked for holes to crawl into. Louise flushed a deep scarlet.
She wanted to come back with something so snappy he’d be blown out of his argyle socks and tasseled loafers. But her mind was blank. The anger and embarrassment had severed the connection between her brain and her tongue. As a result, she felt stupid and impotent as well.
Louise’s experience isn’t unusual. At one time or another you’ve probably experienced being put down. Perhaps the person presented it with humor, and perhaps not. But, irrespective of how a putdown is presented, putdowns hurt … and sometimes, depending upon where and in front of whom they happen, they can hurt a lot ... and have devastating implications.
Consequently, it’s essential that you learn how to (1) manage putdowns so that your self-confidence can remain unscathed and (2) discourage the attacker from doing it again (that is, something short of having connected types give your attacker a swimming lesson in cement booties).
When you encounter a putdown, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if there is any truth in what has been said. In Louise’s case, was it really harder for someone over thirty, but not yet a member of the Gray Panthers, to understand business? No, no truth at all to it.
When you encounter a putdown, how do you feel? You tend to be flooded with feelings of shame, hurt, anger, and rejection. Since putdowns are like arrows piercing your protective armor, making you feel vulnerable, you need to find ways to make yourself more immune to them.
Imagery is useful in this regard. You can imagine yourself surrounded by a plastic shield or electromagnetic field that repels anything hurtful, keeping you safe and secure. You can imagine the putdown as a pile of dog excrement on the sidewalk that you step over or walk around without a second thought.
You can step back to objectively analyze the offender and why they would say such a thing. Perhaps his comment was the result of youthful misperception of her age. Perhaps it was buying into some stereotype. Perhaps Tony doesn’t feel very good about himself and, consequently, projects his anger about it onto others.
Perhaps he’s trying to impress the other, older males there. Perhaps he resents women in business. Perhaps he’s seeking attention and thinks he’s being humorous. Whatever you determine here will help you decide how you may wish to respond to the putdown
You can also tell yourself that irrespective of Tony’s motives or intentions, “I’m not going to be bothered by this because I have the confidence, power, self-control, and good sense my attacker so obviously and sadly lacks.”
Then you need to decide what you’re going to do to discourage the attacker from making further attacks. Sometimes simply ignoring the person and their comment, acting as if nothing happened, will stop those seeking attention or trying to manipulate you to get a response. But, if you choose to make a reply, make it quick and neutral.
For example, “Is that a fact.” “No kidding.” “Big deal.” “So?” “I don’t agree.” Then lyou should let the subject drop as if it never happened. This leaves the attacker with no place to go because you haven’t done anything to reinforce the putdown behavior or the motivation behind it. Whatever you do don’t respond in kind because nastiness can rapidly escalate the situation out of control.
If, however, there is even a small kernel of truth to which you could agree, you could say, “”You may be right about my not understanding everything about business” or “Really, I wasn’t aware that I was missing anything other than what you said.” You define to what you’re agreeing.
Agreeing shows that you’re listening to the person, analyzing what the attacker is saying, and considering its merits. This takes the wind out of the attacker’s sails because they have no place else to go. You’ve heard them and thought about it. Period.
You can always make a small, non-aggressive joke out of it, such as, “Don’t let my clients know” or I’d like that in writing” or, doing your best Robert De Niro “Taxi Driver” impersonation, say, “You talkin’ to me?!” Make sure you do it with a smile so others present can get in on the relief-giving humor.
While you should not have to bear the brunt of putdowns, sometimes you will have to. But knowing you can handle them and preparing to do so will allow you to deal with them more effectively the next time they occur. Furthermore, dealing successfully with them will make you feel better about yourself and your control over your environment.
Louise had asked him politely to repeat his information. Grinning as if about to reveal a truth no one else would dare utter, Tony responded with a chuckle, “Sure, Louise. I know it can be really tough to follow business when a woman gets to be your age.” He hunkered over to make the point.
His comment hung in the air like a grease-soaked chicken dumpling. No one laughed. Most buried their heads in their notes in front of them – even his male cohorts at the end of the table looked for holes to crawl into. Louise flushed a deep scarlet.
She wanted to come back with something so snappy he’d be blown out of his argyle socks and tasseled loafers. But her mind was blank. The anger and embarrassment had severed the connection between her brain and her tongue. As a result, she felt stupid and impotent as well.
Louise’s experience isn’t unusual. At one time or another you’ve probably experienced being put down. Perhaps the person presented it with humor, and perhaps not. But, irrespective of how a putdown is presented, putdowns hurt … and sometimes, depending upon where and in front of whom they happen, they can hurt a lot ... and have devastating implications.
Consequently, it’s essential that you learn how to (1) manage putdowns so that your self-confidence can remain unscathed and (2) discourage the attacker from doing it again (that is, something short of having connected types give your attacker a swimming lesson in cement booties).
When you encounter a putdown, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself if there is any truth in what has been said. In Louise’s case, was it really harder for someone over thirty, but not yet a member of the Gray Panthers, to understand business? No, no truth at all to it.
When you encounter a putdown, how do you feel? You tend to be flooded with feelings of shame, hurt, anger, and rejection. Since putdowns are like arrows piercing your protective armor, making you feel vulnerable, you need to find ways to make yourself more immune to them.
Imagery is useful in this regard. You can imagine yourself surrounded by a plastic shield or electromagnetic field that repels anything hurtful, keeping you safe and secure. You can imagine the putdown as a pile of dog excrement on the sidewalk that you step over or walk around without a second thought.
You can step back to objectively analyze the offender and why they would say such a thing. Perhaps his comment was the result of youthful misperception of her age. Perhaps it was buying into some stereotype. Perhaps Tony doesn’t feel very good about himself and, consequently, projects his anger about it onto others.
Perhaps he’s trying to impress the other, older males there. Perhaps he resents women in business. Perhaps he’s seeking attention and thinks he’s being humorous. Whatever you determine here will help you decide how you may wish to respond to the putdown
You can also tell yourself that irrespective of Tony’s motives or intentions, “I’m not going to be bothered by this because I have the confidence, power, self-control, and good sense my attacker so obviously and sadly lacks.”
Then you need to decide what you’re going to do to discourage the attacker from making further attacks. Sometimes simply ignoring the person and their comment, acting as if nothing happened, will stop those seeking attention or trying to manipulate you to get a response. But, if you choose to make a reply, make it quick and neutral.
For example, “Is that a fact.” “No kidding.” “Big deal.” “So?” “I don’t agree.” Then lyou should let the subject drop as if it never happened. This leaves the attacker with no place to go because you haven’t done anything to reinforce the putdown behavior or the motivation behind it. Whatever you do don’t respond in kind because nastiness can rapidly escalate the situation out of control.
If, however, there is even a small kernel of truth to which you could agree, you could say, “”You may be right about my not understanding everything about business” or “Really, I wasn’t aware that I was missing anything other than what you said.” You define to what you’re agreeing.
Agreeing shows that you’re listening to the person, analyzing what the attacker is saying, and considering its merits. This takes the wind out of the attacker’s sails because they have no place else to go. You’ve heard them and thought about it. Period.
You can always make a small, non-aggressive joke out of it, such as, “Don’t let my clients know” or I’d like that in writing” or, doing your best Robert De Niro “Taxi Driver” impersonation, say, “You talkin’ to me?!” Make sure you do it with a smile so others present can get in on the relief-giving humor.
While you should not have to bear the brunt of putdowns, sometimes you will have to. But knowing you can handle them and preparing to do so will allow you to deal with them more effectively the next time they occur. Furthermore, dealing successfully with them will make you feel better about yourself and your control over your environment.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Bridging Heart and Marketing
If you're selling soft products (and not how-to-make-money hard products), there is an upcoming conference you really need to know about.
Drs. Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski have developed an innovative marketing program designed for soft product/service providers, like me. It's aptly called "Bridging Heart and Marketing."
It's gathering acclaim from all over. Even premier Internet Marketing Guru Alex Mandossian has praised it as being "what has been missing from Internet marketing."
I decided to attend because I had taken Judith and Jim’s "Soft Topic Copywriting Course" which opened my eyes to why trying to sell self-presentation/self-promotion coaching, training, ebooks, CDs, etc., with a hard sell approach simply doesn’t work well.
The February 22-24 “Bridging Heart and Mind Conference,” which will be in L.A., is designed for those of who market "life enhancement" - such as coaches, therapists, MDs, personal growth advisors and healers, interior designers, trainers, lawyers, artists, home schooling experts, financial planners, etc.
They have deliberately recruited the top 11 Internet gurus who are savvy in the Soft Sell approach as their conference speakers (these include Stephen Pierce and Mike Filsaime). Of the 11 total, 5 are women.
This conference will be a dedicated networking and training ground for soft sell Internet marketers who need soft sell marketing tools and to feel more comfortable “selling.”
This is truly the first of its kind - a history-making marketing event - that I feel is on the cutting edge of helping soft sell marketers really begin to enjoy the large financial and soul-satisfying gains of Internet marketing.
If you’re a soft sell Internet marketer, I strongly I urge you to do yourself a big favor and check out Judith and Jim's “Bridging Heart and Marketing” event:
http://www.bridgingheartandmarketing.com/invitation
(Disclaimer: I get nothing for telling you about this, except knowing that you are now aware of this great opportunity.)
I look forward to seeing you there, where we can network together and have a fun and enlightening time.
Drs. Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski have developed an innovative marketing program designed for soft product/service providers, like me. It's aptly called "Bridging Heart and Marketing."
It's gathering acclaim from all over. Even premier Internet Marketing Guru Alex Mandossian has praised it as being "what has been missing from Internet marketing."
I decided to attend because I had taken Judith and Jim’s "Soft Topic Copywriting Course" which opened my eyes to why trying to sell self-presentation/self-promotion coaching, training, ebooks, CDs, etc., with a hard sell approach simply doesn’t work well.
The February 22-24 “Bridging Heart and Mind Conference,” which will be in L.A., is designed for those of who market "life enhancement" - such as coaches, therapists, MDs, personal growth advisors and healers, interior designers, trainers, lawyers, artists, home schooling experts, financial planners, etc.
They have deliberately recruited the top 11 Internet gurus who are savvy in the Soft Sell approach as their conference speakers (these include Stephen Pierce and Mike Filsaime). Of the 11 total, 5 are women.
This conference will be a dedicated networking and training ground for soft sell Internet marketers who need soft sell marketing tools and to feel more comfortable “selling.”
This is truly the first of its kind - a history-making marketing event - that I feel is on the cutting edge of helping soft sell marketers really begin to enjoy the large financial and soul-satisfying gains of Internet marketing.
If you’re a soft sell Internet marketer, I strongly I urge you to do yourself a big favor and check out Judith and Jim's “Bridging Heart and Marketing” event:
http://www.bridgingheartandmarketing.com/invitation
(Disclaimer: I get nothing for telling you about this, except knowing that you are now aware of this great opportunity.)
I look forward to seeing you there, where we can network together and have a fun and enlightening time.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Turn Networking into Dollars in 30 Seconds or Less
In George Bernard Shaw’s play, Mrs. Warren’s Profession, there is a line that reads: “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”
This is what successful people do. In fact, one of the most important characteristics in self-made millionaires and other successful people is that they create opportunities for themselves by networking everywhere, all the time. They do not wait around in hope that opportunity will knock on their door … because they know it won’t.
As Harvey Mackay, New York Times best-selling author of Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty, repeatedly demonstrates, networking is the primary and best way to gain access to friends, jobs, health, legal, and financial information, hobbies, and services. Whatever circumstances you seek, whatever opportunities you desire, you can achieve them through networking.
“Great!” you say. “I’ve been the networking route and I think it’s been a huge waste of my time.”
It can be ... IF you don’t follow the three essential networking criteria:
(1) Choose networking sites for who is there, what they do, what they know, and whom they know.
(2) Be prepared to create relationships first before trying to get what you want. And
(3) Express what you provide "emotionally" in 30 seconds of less.
It’s number three with which the majority of people have the most difficulty. When you introduce yourself, what do you tend to say? If you’re like most people, you say, “I’m a _____” (coach, lawyer, doctor, manager, etc.)” Blaggh! How boring! You can just watch their eyes glaze over.
Why? The moment you say you’re a label, they make their own emotional associations with that label, conjure up old expectations, and shut out what you have to say about it. After all, they already know.
For this reason, you don’t give them your label; you give them your action – what you DO. But you make it intriguing, like the title of this post, “I turn networking into dollars in 30 seconds or less.” You leave them wanting more.
Your first sentence is short, pithy, and suggests action. It zeroes in on tapping into your listener’s desires: making money and doing it quickly.
Then you elaborate, further emphasizing the benefits you have provided others: “One small business consultant using my ‘30 Seconds to Gold’ method increased his income 50 percent from only one chamber of commerce meeting. As a result, the Albuquerque Business Magazine did a feature on him and my method, and Acme Insurance retained me to train their agents to be even more successful.”
You’ve heard of an “elevator speech.” That’s where you tell someone about yourself in the time it takes to go from one floor to another. Well, this approach is an elevator speech on steroids.
Before you attend your next networking meeting, create, refine, and practice your own “networking to dollars in 30 seconds” speech … then see the difference it makes in how others respond to your introduction.
This is what successful people do. In fact, one of the most important characteristics in self-made millionaires and other successful people is that they create opportunities for themselves by networking everywhere, all the time. They do not wait around in hope that opportunity will knock on their door … because they know it won’t.
As Harvey Mackay, New York Times best-selling author of Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty, repeatedly demonstrates, networking is the primary and best way to gain access to friends, jobs, health, legal, and financial information, hobbies, and services. Whatever circumstances you seek, whatever opportunities you desire, you can achieve them through networking.
“Great!” you say. “I’ve been the networking route and I think it’s been a huge waste of my time.”
It can be ... IF you don’t follow the three essential networking criteria:
(1) Choose networking sites for who is there, what they do, what they know, and whom they know.
(2) Be prepared to create relationships first before trying to get what you want. And
(3) Express what you provide "emotionally" in 30 seconds of less.
It’s number three with which the majority of people have the most difficulty. When you introduce yourself, what do you tend to say? If you’re like most people, you say, “I’m a _____” (coach, lawyer, doctor, manager, etc.)” Blaggh! How boring! You can just watch their eyes glaze over.
Why? The moment you say you’re a label, they make their own emotional associations with that label, conjure up old expectations, and shut out what you have to say about it. After all, they already know.
For this reason, you don’t give them your label; you give them your action – what you DO. But you make it intriguing, like the title of this post, “I turn networking into dollars in 30 seconds or less.” You leave them wanting more.
Your first sentence is short, pithy, and suggests action. It zeroes in on tapping into your listener’s desires: making money and doing it quickly.
Then you elaborate, further emphasizing the benefits you have provided others: “One small business consultant using my ‘30 Seconds to Gold’ method increased his income 50 percent from only one chamber of commerce meeting. As a result, the Albuquerque Business Magazine did a feature on him and my method, and Acme Insurance retained me to train their agents to be even more successful.”
You’ve heard of an “elevator speech.” That’s where you tell someone about yourself in the time it takes to go from one floor to another. Well, this approach is an elevator speech on steroids.
Before you attend your next networking meeting, create, refine, and practice your own “networking to dollars in 30 seconds” speech … then see the difference it makes in how others respond to your introduction.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Me Remember Their Names? Get Real!
Doesn’t it drive you crazy when someone smiles at you or says “hello” and you recognize them but you can’t remember their name? Or you see someone you know you’ve met and everything is a blank? Or you have been conversing with them for a few minutes and you suddenly realize you don’t recall their name? Or you have to introduce them to someone and – oops ‑ you scour your memory for their name but the vault is empty?
You don’t want to have to ask them for their name again and risk looking stupid and embarrassing yourself. So you don’t … and merely “feel” stupid… and miss out on a great self-promotion opportunity.
Remembering names is important in social situations but particularly important in your self-promotion situations. This is because a person’s name identifies and represents them as a specific individual. It differentiates them (and you) from all the rest. Think about it. When you hear your name, you feel distinguished from the faceless crowd. You feel valued, sort of warm and fuzzy, ... and important.
So what’s the problem? If you can’t seem to remember names, are you suffering from a developmental disability or early senile dementia? No. More likely, you are suffering from interference. Interference comes from distraction and inhibition.
Anything that disrupts your concentration is distracting. The biggest distracters are anxiety, stress, low self-esteem, and strong emotions, like anger or fear. When they then prevent your hearing the name and making an association, these can also create inhibition. Distraction and inhibition are the enemy of the confident and effective self-promoter. They’re an enemy you cannot afford not to defeat.
What this suggests is that to listen and get people’s names from short-term memory into long-term, you have to focus, concentrate, and employ a number of tricks. These tricks help you keep the name around long enough to tag it and make it retrievable.
To catch the name that is tossed your way, consider the following:
*Stop thinking about what you want to say next and give your full attention to the other person.
*Repeat the name aloud, as if you want to make sure you heard it correctly. This helps set it.
*If you didn’t hear the name clearly the first time, ask that it be repeated. The other person will actually appreciate your effort. (I can't tell you how many people mispronounce my name after I've said it - it's very irritating.)
*Repeat it to yourself, saying it over and over again as you take in the person’s physical image.
*Associate the name with something distinctive about the person, such as the name “Bridgeton” and the person’s broad shoulders that remind you of an expansion bridge or the bridge of their nose is wide.
*Associate the name with someone you know or who is famous, such as the name “Wilson” on someone who dresses like Robin Williams.
*Create a picture of the person’s name, such as “Wheaton” with a whole wheat biscuit or a field of waving grain.
*Associate the sound of the name, like “Schuster,” in whole or part with something memorable either in general or about the person, such as looking like they’re shhhh-ing someone.
*Create a picture from the person’s initial, such as “R.O.T.” for Roger O. Thornhill in Hitchcock’s “North By Northwest.”
*Create a chain of associations, such as the person looks devilish; Jack Nicholson looks devilish; your favorite Nicholson movie is “As Good As It Gets”; and the person’s name is “Atwood.”
* * *
You need to use any memory device you can to increase your chances of remembering the name. Using the name in conversation with the person helps to cement it. Writing it down with an association and the reason to remember them further enhances your recollection. Until you find what method (or combination of methods) works best for you, practice them all.
Your remembering the other person’s name will create a positive impression, which they are more likely to share with others, and will put another foundation stone under your relationship with them.
You don’t want to have to ask them for their name again and risk looking stupid and embarrassing yourself. So you don’t … and merely “feel” stupid… and miss out on a great self-promotion opportunity.
Remembering names is important in social situations but particularly important in your self-promotion situations. This is because a person’s name identifies and represents them as a specific individual. It differentiates them (and you) from all the rest. Think about it. When you hear your name, you feel distinguished from the faceless crowd. You feel valued, sort of warm and fuzzy, ... and important.
So what’s the problem? If you can’t seem to remember names, are you suffering from a developmental disability or early senile dementia? No. More likely, you are suffering from interference. Interference comes from distraction and inhibition.
Anything that disrupts your concentration is distracting. The biggest distracters are anxiety, stress, low self-esteem, and strong emotions, like anger or fear. When they then prevent your hearing the name and making an association, these can also create inhibition. Distraction and inhibition are the enemy of the confident and effective self-promoter. They’re an enemy you cannot afford not to defeat.
What this suggests is that to listen and get people’s names from short-term memory into long-term, you have to focus, concentrate, and employ a number of tricks. These tricks help you keep the name around long enough to tag it and make it retrievable.
To catch the name that is tossed your way, consider the following:
*Stop thinking about what you want to say next and give your full attention to the other person.
*Repeat the name aloud, as if you want to make sure you heard it correctly. This helps set it.
*If you didn’t hear the name clearly the first time, ask that it be repeated. The other person will actually appreciate your effort. (I can't tell you how many people mispronounce my name after I've said it - it's very irritating.)
*Repeat it to yourself, saying it over and over again as you take in the person’s physical image.
*Associate the name with something distinctive about the person, such as the name “Bridgeton” and the person’s broad shoulders that remind you of an expansion bridge or the bridge of their nose is wide.
*Associate the name with someone you know or who is famous, such as the name “Wilson” on someone who dresses like Robin Williams.
*Create a picture of the person’s name, such as “Wheaton” with a whole wheat biscuit or a field of waving grain.
*Associate the sound of the name, like “Schuster,” in whole or part with something memorable either in general or about the person, such as looking like they’re shhhh-ing someone.
*Create a picture from the person’s initial, such as “R.O.T.” for Roger O. Thornhill in Hitchcock’s “North By Northwest.”
*Create a chain of associations, such as the person looks devilish; Jack Nicholson looks devilish; your favorite Nicholson movie is “As Good As It Gets”; and the person’s name is “Atwood.”
* * *
You need to use any memory device you can to increase your chances of remembering the name. Using the name in conversation with the person helps to cement it. Writing it down with an association and the reason to remember them further enhances your recollection. Until you find what method (or combination of methods) works best for you, practice them all.
Your remembering the other person’s name will create a positive impression, which they are more likely to share with others, and will put another foundation stone under your relationship with them.
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